Sunday, August 31, 2008

Latest and greatest

(edited at the bottom)

Sorry I haven't posted in a bit - and thank you to those who answered my question on LFCA and have checked on me since. I appreciate it greatly!

It turns out that the hallucinations and confusion were, indeed, medication related. They've lowered her methodone to 1 1/2 pills 2x a day, and she isn't taking the morphine like she was. Now she's taking it to help her breathe, along with some haloperidol. Her oxygen tank isn't singing to her anymore - it broke and they had to fix it, now it won't sing. The fan, on the other hand, is it's all good.

Mom is having such a hard time with breathing that yesterday, she thought she was going to go...that it was time. She pulled through, but she's starting to get the "make sure everyone knows I love and appreciate them" feelings, which is an indicator to me. She's trying to set things right.

My sister is still being a bitch in denial. She refuses to see what's in front of her and it's driving me batty. Last night we had this series of texts (S is my sister):

S: So how's mom this weekend?
Me: It's been a rough weekend. Having a hard time breathing.
S: She seemed pretty good when we were there last weekend. The boys were surprised.
Me: Things are just slowly getting worse, that's all. Morphine helps her breathe better, so she's taking that again.
S: I don't think she even took any while we were there. Are you sure you aren't making it worse than it really is? You are a bit of a drama queeen sometimes. It hasn't even been a week since we were there...

I was furious. I went to my mother and asked her to do me a favor - please call my bitch of a sister and tell her that things ARE getting worse, that she IS having a hard time breathing, that she HAS indeed taken the morphine (and the haloperidol) and that if she's going to be such a bitch she can just not talk to me again. I burst into tears about halfway through the request and went to my room, laid down and had myself a good tear. Mom came to find me (her oxygen cord reaches that far) and we had a talk. She agrees that my sister is being a bitch, but that it isn't just to me - her son called her on it the other day and her husband confirmed that it's been a few weeks that she's been like this. I, personally, don't give a fuck - she can be a bitch, but I won't tolerate it. She can just not talk to my like my brother and I will not be heartbroken. Both times I've had contact with her in the last month she's been a bitch and I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT. I am not her whipping boy, I am her sister.

At mom's suggestion I sent back a message that said "If you really think I'm being a DRAMA QUEEN about this, then call mom and ask her". She hasn't called... Mom is going to call her today though and talk to her. I told mom to be sure to tell my sister that her bitchiness is not appreciated and will not be tolerated - I don't think she will, though, although I DO think she'll tell my sister that I'm seriously pissed off at her. Yes, I should probably call my sister to the carpet for this...but right now, it's easier to just let it slide and ignore her permanently. If that proves impossible, then I'll have to deal with it. I'm just trying very hard not to put more on my plate than I have to.

*EDIT* I forgot to mention the coolest bit! They put mom on a catheter, to see if it would help get rid of some of the excess fluid she's got. Between the 22nd and the 25th, she'd lost 5000mL of fluid. You read that right - 5K. By they time they took it out for a bit on Thursday, she'd lost 4 GALLONS of fluid. That's a lot! She'd been feeling much better - able to breathe, less swollen - but they had to take it out because it had slipped down and was pressing against the urethra, causing cramps. They put it back in today and it was already filling by the time the hospice lady left!

1 comment:

nancy said...

Holy moly! 4 GALLONS of fluid? I'm sure she feels much better. When I had OHSS, I had 9 lbs of fluid built up and I was in so much pain. Seeing that 1 gallon of water weighs 8.345 lbs, 4 gallons of water would weigh 33.38 pounds. Holy Schnikees! I'm glad she got rid of that though. Also glad that the hallucinations are slowing down too.

Bummer about your sister. I mean, to be in denial is one thing, but to call you a drama queen for acknowledging what the hell is really going on? Your sister is going to regret not understanding this better. I hope she figures it out soon or she's going to go through an even harder time of losing her mom. Not that you'll have it easy, goodness no. But you know what's going on and you'll be able to comprehend it better. Your sister may not even be acting or saying the things she may have been if she acknowledged the end isn't a distant future. You poor thing, you are having to deal with the painful process of losing your mother AND dealing with your sister at the same time. Just not too fair for you. ~hugs~ for all you are doing. You shouldn't have to be in this position. Just let your sister think what she thinks. If she even begins to argue with you, I would simply end the conversation. Or just ask her to not ask you for details when she refuses to believe you or simply thinks you are being dramatic. You shouldn't have to put up with that.