Stable

Things are stable right now, hence the lack of posts. I'm emotionally stable for now, because there are no hits coming. I'm also on amytriptaline, which seems to be doing wonders for me in the stability department. Got into a huge fight with my brother the other night, though. Whoo-doggie! I haven't had a fight like THAT since my ex-husband and I first got together. Lesson learned: when brother calls and isn't being rational, suspect alcohol is involved and tell him to call back when he's sober. Arguing with a drunk person is not worth it.

What was the fight over, you might ask? Well, my brother has a daughter who lives with his ex-wife in MO. Said ex-wife doesn't want my idiot brother to have any contact with their daughter - and I don't blame her. Not that he could, considering his latest crime, but he seems to think that someday he'll be able to. I laugh. Anyways, my mother is the only one who has their address and he wants it. Or rather, he wants either our sister or I to have it before mom dies. I told him I would talk to mom, who could talk to the ex-wife and if it was ok I would handle it. He started bitching at me that he has legal rights - so go through legal channels, jackass. I'm not about to give him the address so he can stalk them again. Nope. Not without her permission. When I told mom all this, she said she plans on giving one of us girls the address when the time comes. It's in her address book - it's not like she's hiding it or anything. She just doesn't want to put my sister or I in the position of having to withhold the information any sooner than she has to, which I appreciate. Stupid brother was also going on and on and on about how lonely he is, how emotional he's getting, how no one cares about him, how kind and concerned and out there he's been for the family (snort), and how he feels he has something (and nothing) to prove to everyone. He started contradicting himself, arguing with me when i pointed it out. I finally hung up on him and had a breakdown of my own. He then called our sister, who called mom, who called me...but I'd turned my phone off because brother kept calling and I didn't want to talk to him. I called mom back the next day and told her what happened - she said "I told your sister I didn't know, but that he was probably drunk and at least you two are talking." I do not want to talk to him anymore. I went 20 years without him in my life and am perfectly content to go another 20.

Mom has a CAT scan today to see how her liver is doing. She'll know the results sometime next week. For now, she feels ok. Really tired and easily worn out, but ok. I am going on a 3-day retreat with her starting next Thursday. Should be interesting. It's called Walk to Emmaus...and that's all we know. One of mom's friends has been but won't tell mom anything about it except "Be prepared for the best experience of your life." We have no idea what to expect. I am a bit nervous - I feel like I'm going to a cult meeting or something. But mom will be there and she won't let them do anything to me. :) We're not allowed to have our cell phones, a sponsor is picking us up so we don't have a car (although I am allowed to take mine simply because I have to go straight to home on Sunday and it will cut an hour off my time). There will be no showers. We can be in our pj's the whole time if we want to. Sleeping on a cot, air mattress, sleeping bag - whatever you bring. Like I said - interesting. My sister doesn't want to go because "retreats aren't her thing" she says. Like they're mine? For me, it's a chance to bond with mom, spend some time with her before the end.

I'm doing ok. I'll try to let you know how the retreat goes - provided I don't have to sign a NDA or something. :)