The inevitable

I know there hasn't been an update in over a month. There's a very good reason for this: my parents have been on a trip around the states since the 18th of April. They just got home on Monday. They were planning on taking this trip when dad retired, but given the circumstances they decided to go earlier. They actually had a lot of fun and mom did pretty well. She did have to have dad give her both of her B-12 shots (they help her feel better, have a little more energy) and there were some issues with walking, but overall it was fun. They're glad to be home, though. Mom was starting to feel pretty run down near the end and was having more trouble breathing, which led her to believe that she was filling up with fluid again.

She was right.

She went to the doc on Wednesday to get her blood drawn, so they could see what her CA-125 count was. The results came back yesterday and they were elevated...which we already figured would happen. Her doc doesn't want to do a CAT scan right now, since they did one just before my parents left for vacation. The plan? Wait until mom gets more uncomfortable with the fluid build-up, until she can't move or breathe without pain. At that point, she'll come in for a CAT and they can also drain the fluid. Then? Wait until she fills with fluid again, then they can drain it again. Lather, rinse, repeat until she dies. The cancer is in the epithelial lining of her abdomenal cavity. The only treatment is chemo and she's not willing to do it anymore - and I don't blame her, I don't.

I just wish there was a way she didn't have to suffer. I wish there was a magic pill she could take that would just end it. I don't like the idea of my mother having to wait until she's in so much pain that it hurts to move, or breathe. She can't take 10 steps before she has to sit down and catch her breath, because the fluid in her abdomen is pressing on her lungs and they can't expand properly. Having just taken physiology class I now know more than ever just how the body works, and how delicate the balance is in the system. This is going to wreak havoc before it's done and I don't know how I can watch this happen without going raging insane.