It's the little things...

When you think of things that involve presents, most people think of Christmas and birthdays. I knew Christmas would be hard for me, just because I usually spend it with my parents. Thanksgiving wasn't too bad, but I've been out of the house for 13 years - I rarely go home for Thanksgiving, as I've always been married or in a relationship with it's own traditions.

I did, however, forget about Valentine's Day and Easter. Mom always sent me little packages with candy, a stuffed animal, a card. For Valentine's it was usually a bag of giant conversation hearts and some trinket that she got from Avon. Easter has always been a bag of Starburst Jelly Beans, and chocolates, and regular jelly beans. She'd line the box with Easter grass and make it into a basket. This will be the first time in my life I haven't had an Easter basket. At 31 that probably shouldn't bother me, I know. Somehow I don't think it's the lack of candy that is causing me to want to burst into tears..

My dad isn't the type to keep up with stuff like that - that was always Mom's gig. She loved doing stuff like that. At Christmas time she'd send gifts to people or leave them presents where they'd find it, from "The Christmas Fairy". Once she did the 12 Days of Christmas for the "crazy cat lady" down the street from us who used to give me piano lessons. She was a single woman whose mother (who mom called Miss Merry Sunshine) lived with her - and they had about 30 cats. They weren't traditional gifts either - mom delighted in being craftsy and creative. Bottles of Moose Poop (small bottle with milk duds) or Snowman poop (bottle with Junior Mints) make their way into Christmas Baskets on a routine basis.

I expected the major holidays to be hard. I don't know about my birthday. Maybe I just won't have one this year. What I didn't expect was the "elephant on my chest" feeling I get when I think about Easter, 4th of July, Valentine's Day. On my Facebook this morning, a friend had sent me a plant for my virtual garden. I went to send one back and the limited time included Calla Lilies...which is one of my mothers favorite plants. Maybe I'll go put some on her grave this weekend...on my own initiative....